The Modern Motherhood Conflict...My Take

Have you seen the interview posted on Marie Claire with author Elisabeth Badinter?

"TO ELISABETH BADINTER, educated women who become stay-at-home moms have lost their minds."

I'm going to hi-light a few points that stood out to me:

• The current push towards naturalism (breastfeeding, cloth diapering, making food, etc) has made mothers into animals 
•  Parents are less happy when they stay home and spend time with their children because they are filled with anxiety and guilt that they aren't spending enough time with them
• The majority of women in Western countries want to have economic independence
• Women who have degrees and then quit their jobs have an "absence of vision" she finds to be "infantile"
• It's good for children to learn how to survive without their mothers; she's worried about the long-term effects of a mother and child bonding too much
• Exclusively breastfeeding for 6 months or more negatively impacts the relationship between a husband and wife
• And finally her last quote "Don't ever give up your economic independence. Don't give up your job. You must be able to survive without a man. Because if you no longer get along with your partner or he treats you badly and you don't have the means to leave him, you're enslaved."

Let me begin by saying I have not, nor will I read her book (based on reading this article).  Let me also say that I'm sure there are other women who agree with her and feel this way.  If that is you, that is your opinion and you are entitled to feel however you want.

I, however, do not agree. 

My desire to breastfeed and cloth diaper has not made me into an "animal."  Quite the contrary, they were decisions made by a fiscally responsible human being.  I made these decision because they save our family money.  That money then goes into IRAs, college funds,  retirements planning and other funds (vacations, etc) so that we don't have to stress about finances now or in the future.

Being a stay-at-home-mom means I spend A LOT of time with my kids.  Sometimes, I am on the phone chatting with my mom while the kids play.  Other times, while the kids eat or watch a movie, I cruise around the internet catching up on news.  I don't feel guilty.  I can look at my kids and see that they are happy, healthy little boys who love that they get to see me all the time.  I could care less what anyone else thinks about my parenting choices because I do what's best for our family.  This anxiety and guilt she talks about affects people who probably worry too much what other people think about them.  If you do what's best for your family...what does anyone else's opinion  matter? 

She spends a lot of time talking about economic independence.  I am married.  As a married woman, even when I was working, the money we made was OURS..not mine/his...it was OURS and still is OURS.  We have one shared bank account.  When either of us needs/wants something..we buy it.  So to me...my husband and I, our family, has economic independence.  We make and manage our money in a way that allows us to meet our needs and a few wants..as well as plan for the future...sounds good to me!

Women who have degrees and quit their jobs to stay home have an "absence of vision."  Quite the contrary.  I know (having been raised by a stay-at-home-mother) the value of a child having a parent home full time.  I was that child.  One of 5 actually.  You have a sense of security because you know someone will always be there.  There is always a parent there in case a child is sick -- nobody is having to take off work, use a vacation day or lose pay to stay home with that child.  When something was going on during the school day, I knew that at least my mom was going to be able to come and watch my play, my speech, etc.  Absence of vision?  No way.   I am looking far into my children's future and can see the benefits of being a stay-at-home-mom and how it will positively influence their lives for years to come.  And seeing my children healthy and happy makes me happy and healthy because they are the fruits of my labor. 

It's good for children to learn to live without their mothers.  What a sad statement.  Nursing my children..letting my littlest sleep beside me in bed because it makes night time nursing easier...these are not things that will last forever.  Case in point:  My 2 year old sleeps in his own room...and he prefers that.  It didn't start that way.  But in just 2 short years..that's been the progression.  And to think that in just 2 more years, my babies will both be in their own rooms, needing me less, makes me a little sad.  I never had to live without my mother.  EVER.  And what has it done to me?  Well...I was a well-respected teacher when I made the decision to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I am in a healthy and loving marriage.  I have a strong faith in God.  I am a sarcastic, sometimes sweet, fun loving woman who enjoys somewhat off-kilter humor. I talk to my mom daily to gossip, get advice, chit chat..in fact I would say she is one of my best friends.  Is this the long term effects Ms. Badinter is worried about? Hmmm...

Long term breastfeeding certainly can have a negative impact on a husband/wife relationship...if they don't communicate their needs and desires.   I am one of those women who does love breastfeeding.  I know not everyone is like that but I am.  And I have communicated that with my husband.  He supports me 100% (and he's certainly not complaining about my bigger boobs). Has it impacted our sex life?  Well..in the beginning, I would wear sexy bras to bed so he didn't get a milk shower when we were being intimate.  But now that that isn't a problem anymore...I can't say that it has had any other impact.  If our sex life isn't as vibrant as it used to be..it is not because of breastfeeding..it's because he's working...I'm working...and sometimes we're just tired.  But we talk about this stuff.  When we feel like our sex life hasn't been given enough attention, we talk about it and we make a better effort.  Because we believe sex is important to a healthy marriage. Breastfeeding or co-sleeping doesn't have to have a negative impact on your physical relationship.  You just have to be willing to talk about things and "think outside the bedroom" haha..

Now the last point..about needing to be able to live without a man and you have to have a job so you won't be enslaved should you end up with a crappy partner.  There's just so much I could say here...I'll just say this..if you start a family and end up finding out you have a crappy partner...there are so many assistance programs and avenues to pursue so that you can take care of your family on your own. 

So, if you're still reading this, first off, thanks! Secondly, I should say shame on Ms. Badinter, someone who truly supported women would say that women have the right to do whatever they want without the fear of judgement from society.  Instead, she's casting her judgement on women who choose to stay home telling them how ill-conceived and detrimental their decisions will be.  In a world where someone is always attacking the working-outside-the-home mom, the working-inside-the-home mom, the mom who breastfeeds, the mom who formula feeds, the mom who uses throw away diapers, the mom who uses reusable diapers, the mom who wears her baby, the mom who uses a stroller, the mom who makes baby food, the mom  who buys baby food, the single mom, the married mom.....do we really need another person out there trying to make mothers feel bad?

Enough is enough.  Do what is best for you and your family.  Screw society and expectations.  If you and your family are happy, then NOTHING else matters.  Period.

Thanks, have a great day!

Wordless Wednesday: Pianomen...

A Good Dad

What makes a good dad?

Is it the number of minutes he spends with his kids? The number of diapers he changes? The number of boo-boo's he kisses? The number of times he puts the kids to bed? Gives them a bath?

Not to me.

• A good dad makes the most of the time he has with his children.  
• A good dad loves to get the phone calls during the day hearing about what his sons did, even if it leaves him feeling a little jealous/disappointed that he wasn't there for it.
• A good dad works his ass off to provide for his family, knowing that that might mean he has to miss moments, events, lessons. It doesn't mean he likes it; he just knows he is doing what has to be done.
• A good dad loves his children with every fiber of his being and that love radiates from him when he is with his children, or looking at pictures of them...or bragging about them.

I know so many great dads out there.  Both my younger brother and my older brother get shout-outs here.  Brandon..Jason..you guys rock the definition of dad! You both work so hard to provide for your families.  And even though you don't get to be home all day with your kiddos, we all see the love and devotion and pride you have for your children.  So keep it up!

Then there's my dad.  Growing up, my dad was in the Navy so he had to be gone a lot.  But I don't believe for a second that he didn't hate that part of his job.  But he was doing what he had to do to provide for his wife and five children.  There was a time when he worked 3 jobs so that my mom could continue to stay home with us and raise us.  What do I remember most about my childhood when I think of my dad?  Him coaching our teeball, baseball and softball teams.  He and my mom taking us to church every Sunday and Wednesday.  Him giving me flowers after my dance recitals and school plays.  How he looked forward to the father/daughter dances at wedding we would go to.  You see..he made the most of the time he was with us.  And now he is getting to be part of our kids' lives in ways he's never experienced before since he is no longer in the military.  And it's really cool.

And of course, I saved the best for last.

My husband is my rock; he is our family's provider.  He works extra hard so I can stay home and raise our boys.  And I fully understand that that means I tend to take on more of the parenting responsibilities.  But why wouldn't I?  I'm home with the kids all day long...I get a lot more time with the kids than my husband does.  In a perfect world, we would need no money and would both stay home full time, raising our kids and doing all the chores together. 

But it doesn't work that way.  And sometimes, yes, cries for "Mommy" are heard more often.  Sometimes, mommy's kisses fix the scraped knee better than daddy's do.  And sometimes only mommy gets the good hugs while daddy gets a grin, a giggle and a "no hug for daddy!"....

But you know what else there is? 

Giggles from a naked toddler running through the house shouting "SUPER STREAK!! Daddy's gonna getchya!" 

Heart-melting smiles from a 6 month old the MINUTE he hears his dad's voice when he gets home.

The sight of my toddler following my husband around while he fixes this 'n that.

My toddler rummaging through my husband's bathroom drawer (despite being told not to several times) saying "gotta shave like daddy does!"

Nights when my toddler sits curled up in his daddy's lap, showing him different things on the ipad.

These things?  These are what make a good great dad.  My boys love their daddy so much; not because they see him as much as they do me.  Not because he changes their diapers as much as I do or because he feeds them or bathes them as much as I do...No, it's because he makes the most of his time when he's with them.  They feel his love, his devotion, his pride for them.  And they know...and will always know..they are lucky to have such a great dad!

And Me?  I'm lucky my kids have such a great dad..and that I have such a great husband and partner in life.  We've been blessed and thank God every day for it. 

Thoughtful Thursday: Each New Day's Promise

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

SnuggyBaby Wrap Review and Giveaway {Open Worldwide}

"Wraps take TOO long to put on.  I don't have that kind of time."
"How can a piece of fabric be safely supportive?"
"Wraps are WAY too confusing...no thank you!" 

Yeah...I am embarrassed to admit that I have said ALL of those things listed above.  To be completely honest, up until about 4 weeks ago, I had NEVER even tried a wrap on.  I made judgements based on friends who had posted pictures using a wrap.  I never thought I would like a wrap.

But then I went to the Fort Wayne Mom & Baby Show...and met the owners of SnuggyBaby.  Jo (the creator of the SnuggyBaby wrap) and her husband were there to educate new moms and dads and parents-to-be about baby-wearing, wraps, and slings.  Jo's husband encouraged me to try a wrap.  He walked me through, step-by-step how to put it on and how to put the baby in.  WOW, oh, WOW was I surprised how EASY it was!

So of course, being the little review blogger that I try to be, I went home and immediately sent an email (because I was too chicken to ask in person) if I could do a review of one of their wraps.  While I would have purchased one at the show, I knew (having 2 carriers at home already) that my hubby would not have been pleased if I came home with another carrier..regardless of the reason ;)

So...for the last 4 weeks I have been using my wrap day and night..for hours at a time.  Andrew has taken naps in the wrap.  I have cleaned the house with Andrew in the wrap.  I have taken Collin to the potty with Andrew in the wrap.  I have put laundry out on the line with Andrew in the wrap.  I have taken Collin to the park...with Andrew in the wrap.  I have typed this blog post...with Andrew in the wrap.  The list goes on..and on...and on...

So, would I be doing all these things if a wrap was "too hard" "too confusing" or "too time-consuming"?  Um..NO!

My friends, I am here to tell you that my wrap is AH-MAZING! Seeing as Andrew is not a fan of soft-structured carriers, wraps are our new favorite word! Comfortable, supportive, cute...there are so many things I love about this wrap! Let me list them for ya: 

Incredibly easy to put on and use.   Seriously.  I am eating every last word I said before trying a wrap.  Don't believe me?  Watch my little video at the end to see it all in action. And just so you know, when you buy your wrap (which I think you should), it comes with its own how-to video!

Super supportive.  Because the wrap goes across your back and around your waist, you have all the support you would need. I have worn Andrew for several hours at a time..only taking him out to feed and change him.  I feel like the wrap does a great job of evenly distributing the weight.  And just for an FYI, Andrew is almost 19 pounds.


COMFY!! The wrap is made out of a 100% cotton knit fabric.  It's just stretchy enough that it gives when you are putting your little one in it; but it's not so stretchy that the baby is dangling down by your knees at the end of the day!  And with 5 1/2 yards of fabric, you have plenty of fabric to work with!

Stylish! The decorative panel in the front jazzes up your wrap! And there are TONS of choices! Good luck picking your favorite!

One Size Fits All! LOVE LOVE LOVE! No buckles to readjust; no straps to reset.  The wrap fits everyone just by putting it on like usual! It does take a couple times to figure out how tight to tie it and what the best position is for each person.  I have found that when the fabric in the front crosses between my breast area, that was where I got the best fit!

Affordable! Considering many carriers will run you close to $100 or more, you can get a SnuggyBaby wrap for around $56...maybe cheaper if you catch one on clearance!!

Super Awesome Customer Service:  The first wrap I received ended up having a defect and I had no problem exchanging it! In fact, since Jo lives about 45 minutes from me, I was able to just stop by her house and pick up a new one while I was in her town! How awesome is that??

 Any room for improvement?

I just want one small, little thing added to the wrap.  I'd love to have a little pocket on the front where I could stash my phone and keys in case I don't have pockets or don't want to bring the diaper bag along.  That is all :)


Overall:

I am in love.   This wrap is so wonderful and so awesome.  It is not too hard to put on.  It doesn't take too long (less than 2 minutes) and it isn't confusing!





I love my wrap and I think you would too!!

And because SnuggyBaby is so awesome, one of you gets the chance to win one! Just enter using the Rafflecopter widget below.  And yes, it's open to EVERYONE, no matter where you live..so long as you have a mailbox.